bù hǎoyìsi: 不好意思 - Excuse Me, Sorry, Shy/Embarrassed

• Keywords: buhaoyisi, 不好意思, buhaoyisi meaning, Chinese for excuse me, Chinese for sorry, polite Chinese phrases, how to use buhaoyisi, difference between buhaoyisi and duibuqi, Chinese culture, social etiquette, HSK 3 vocabulary
• Summary: “不好意思” (bù hǎoyìsi) is one of the most versatile and essential phrases in Mandarin Chinese. More than just a simple “sorry” or “excuse me,” it is a cultural tool used to express mild apology, shyness, gratitude, or to politely preface a request. Understanding how and when to use “不好意思” is key for any beginner learner wanting to navigate social situations in China with grace and sound more like a native speaker. This page provides a deep dive into its meaning, cultural significance, and practical, everyday usage.

• Pinyin (with tone marks): bù hǎoyìsi
• Part of Speech: Interjection / Adjective
• HSK Level: HSK 3
• Concise Definition: A multi-purpose phrase for “excuse me,” “pardon me,” a light “sorry,” or to express a feeling of shyness or embarrassment.
• In a Nutshell: Think of “不好意思” as the social lubricant of Chinese conversation. It's not for serious mistakes; for that, you use `对不起 (duìbuqǐ)`. Instead, “不好意思” is the “oops, sorry to bother you,” “pardon me, could you move?,” or the “oh, you really shouldn't have!” of the Chinese language. It's a way of acknowledging a very minor imposition on someone else's time or space, or expressing a feeling of slight awkwardness or modesty.

• 不 (bù): The character for “not” or “no.” It's one of the most fundamental negative markers in Chinese.
• 好 (hǎo): The character for “good” or “well.” It's a combination of the characters for woman (`女`) and child (`子`), suggesting a good and harmonious situation.
• 意思 (yìsi): A word that means “meaning” or “idea.”
• The characters literally combine to mean “not good meaning” or “not good idea.” Over time, this evolved to describe a situation where one feels it's not quite proper or appropriate to do something, leading to a sense of embarrassment, shyness, or the need to apologize for a minor social trespass. It signifies a feeling of “I don't feel right about this,” which translates into a polite social gesture.

• “不好意思” is deeply tied to the cultural concept of `面子 (miànzi)`, or “face,” which refers to a person's reputation, dignity, and social standing. Using “不好意思” is a way of showing respect and consideration for the other person's `面子` (and your own). By saying it before you ask a question or make a request, you are acknowledging that you are taking up their time, thus showing you are considerate and not making an entitled demand. This maintains social harmony, a cornerstone of collectivistic East Asian cultures.
• Comparison to Western “Sorry”: In the West, especially in American culture, an apology like “I'm sorry” often carries an admission of fault or wrongdoing. “不好意思” is fundamentally different. It's most often used in situations where no one is at fault, but a social norm has been lightly breached. For example, if you ask a stranger for directions, you haven't done anything *wrong*, but you have interrupted their day. Saying “不好意思” acknowledges this small imposition. It's less about guilt and more about proactive politeness and social grace.

“不好意思” is used constantly in daily life. Its meaning is heavily dependent on the context and tone of voice.

This is its most common function. It's used to politely get someone's attention or to navigate a physical space.

• Getting a waiter's attention in a restaurant.
• Asking a stranger for directions on the street.
• Needing to pass someone in a crowded subway or hallway.

This is for minor blunders or inconveniences where a formal apology would be overkill.

• Arriving a few minutes late to an informal meeting.
• Accidentally bumping into someone lightly.
• Having to tell someone you can't fulfill a small request they made.

This is often used when receiving praise or a gift, as a display of modesty.

• When someone gives you a compliment (“You speak Chinese so well!”).
• When someone gives you a gift (“Oh, you're too kind! You shouldn't have!”).
• When you're put on the spot and feel a bit shy.

• Example 1: (Getting Attention)
  • 不好意思，请问洗手间在哪里？
  • Pinyin: Bù hǎoyìsi, qǐngwèn xǐshǒujiān zài nǎlǐ?
  • English: Excuse me, may I ask where the restroom is?
  • Analysis: Here, “不好意思” functions as a polite opener before asking a stranger for help. It softens the interruption.
• Example 2: (Passing Through a Crowd)
  • 不好意思，借过一下。
  • Pinyin: Bù hǎoyìsi, jièguò yīxià.
  • English: Excuse me, let me pass through quickly.
  • Analysis: This is the standard, polite way to ask people to make way for you in a crowded space.
• Example 3: (Mild Apology for Lateness)
  • 不好意思，我来晚了。
  • Pinyin: Bù hǎoyìsi, wǒ lái wǎn le.
  • English: Sorry, I'm a little late.
  • Analysis: Perfect for being 5-10 minutes late to an informal gathering with friends. It acknowledges the tardiness without being overly dramatic.
• Example 4: (Receiving a Compliment)
  • A: 你的中文说得真好！ (Nǐ de Zhōngwén shuō de zhēn hǎo!) - Your Chinese is really good!
  • B: 哪里哪里，不好意思。 (Nǎlǐ nǎlǐ, bù hǎoyìsi.) - Not at all, you're too kind. (Literally: “Where, where, I'm embarrassed.”)
  • Analysis: Responding to a compliment with “不好意思” is a classic display of humility. It deflects the praise and prevents you from seeming arrogant.
• Example 5: (Receiving a Gift)
  • 哎呀，你太客气了，真不好意思。
  • Pinyin: Āiyā, nǐ tài kèqì le, zhēn bù hǎoyìsi.
  • English: Oh my, you're too kind, I feel so embarrassed (that you went to this trouble).
  • Analysis: This conveys “You shouldn't have!” It shows gratitude while also expressing a humble sense that you don't deserve such a generous gift.
• Example 6: (Minor Inconvenience)
  • 不好意思，我没听清楚，你能再说一遍吗？
  • Pinyin: Bù hǎoyìsi, wǒ méi tīng qīngchǔ, nǐ néng zài shuō yībiàn ma?
  • English: Sorry (to trouble you), I didn't hear clearly, could you say that again?
  • Analysis: You're apologizing for the inconvenience of making them repeat themselves.
• Example 7: (Declining Something Politely)
  • 不好意思，我现在有点忙，可能没法帮你。
  • Pinyin: Bù hǎoyìsi, wǒ xiànzài yǒudiǎn máng, kěnéng méi fǎ bāng nǐ.
  • English: I'm sorry, I'm a bit busy right now, I probably can't help you.
  • Analysis: This softens the refusal. It frames the rejection as being due to your circumstances, not a lack of willingness, which saves face for both parties.
• Example 8: (Feeling Shy When Put on the Spot)
  • 老师让我唱歌，我有点不好意思。
  • Pinyin: Lǎoshī ràng wǒ chànggē, wǒ yǒudiǎn bù hǎoyìsi.
  • English: The teacher asked me to sing, I'm a little shy/embarrassed.
  • Analysis: Here, “不好意思” is used as an adjective to directly describe the feeling of shyness or social awkwardness.
• Example 9: (Making a Small Mistake)
  • 不好意思，我发错文件了。
  • Pinyin: Bù hǎoyìsi, wǒ fā cuò wénjiàn le.
  • English: Oops, sorry, I sent the wrong file.
  • Analysis: A perfect, low-stakes apology for a minor, easily correctable error in a work or school context.
• Example 10: (Asking a Favor)
  • 不好意思，能帮我看一下行李吗？
  • Pinyin: Bù hǎoyìsi, néng bāng wǒ kàn yīxià xínglǐ ma?
  • English: Excuse me, could you watch my luggage for a second?
  • Analysis: Again, this is the polite entry-point for asking someone to do something for you. It acknowledges you're asking for a favor.

• The Golden Rule: `不好意思` vs. `对不起 (duìbuqǐ)`
  • This is the most critical distinction for learners.
  • Use `不好意思` for minor inconveniences and social niceties. It's light and maintains harmony.
  • Use `对不起 (duìbuqǐ)` for serious mistakes where you are at fault and need to sincerely apologize. It means “I have wronged you.”
  • Incorrect Usage: If you accidentally break your friend's expensive camera, saying “不好意思” is completely inappropriate. It would sound like you don't grasp the severity of your mistake. You must say `对不起`.
  • Incorrect Usage (Reverse): If you need to ask a stranger for the time, saying `对不起` is too heavy and dramatic. It would make the listener confused, as if you've done something terrible. `不好意思` is correct.
• Not Just a Word, But a Feeling: Remember that “不好意思” can also be used as an adjective to describe the state of feeling shy, embarrassed, or awkward (`我感到很不好意思` - Wǒ gǎndào hěn bù hǎoyìsi). Thinking of it only as a drop-in replacement for “sorry” or “excuse me” will limit your understanding.

• 对不起 (duìbuqǐ) - A formal, serious apology for a genuine mistake. The “heavy” alternative to `不好意思`.
• 麻烦你 (máfan nǐ) - “To trouble you.” It's often used right after `不好意思` when asking for a favor (e.g., `不好意思，麻烦你…`).
• 打扰一下 (dǎrǎo yīxià) - “To interrupt for a moment.” Functionally very similar to the “excuse me” usage of `不好意思`.
• 请问 (qǐngwèn) - “May I please ask…” A polite way to begin a question, often directly following `不好意思`.
• 抱歉 (bàoqiàn) - “To be sorry, to regret.” A formal apology that is often used in written or professional contexts. It falls between `不好意思` and `对不起` in seriousness.
• 害羞 (hàixiū) - The specific adjective for “shy,” especially regarding personality. `不好意思` describes the temporary *feeling* of shyness in a situation.
• 尴尬 (gāngà) - “Awkward, embarrassed.” Describes a more intense feeling of social discomfort or a cringeworthy situation.
• 面子 (miànzi) - The foundational cultural concept of “face,” social prestige, and dignity that polite language like `不好意思` is designed to uphold.