jǔànqíméi: 举案齐眉 - To treat one's spouse with mutual respect

• Keywords: 举案齐眉, ju an qi mei, Chinese idiom for respect in marriage, respectful couple, Liang Hong Meng Guang, Chinese marriage values, harmonious couple, mutual respect, what does 举案齐眉 mean, Chinese chengyu.
• Summary: 举案齐眉 (jǔ àn qí méi) is a classic Chinese idiom that literally means “to raise the tray to eyebrow level.” It beautifully illustrates the deep, mutual respect and courtesy between a husband and wife. Originating from a famous historical story, it represents an ideal, harmonious marital relationship built on honor and equality, and is often used to praise or bless couples who exemplify this loving respect.

• Pinyin (with tone marks): jǔ àn qí méi
• Part of Speech: Idiom (成语, chéngyǔ)
• HSK Level: N/A (Advanced/Chengyu)
• Concise Definition: To describe a married couple who treat each other with great respect and courtesy.
• In a Nutshell: Imagine a wife serving her husband a meal. To show her profound respect, she lifts the food tray to the height of her eyebrows, indicating she sees him as an equal and doesn't dare look down upon him. The husband, in turn, accepts it with equal grace and respect. This single image captures the essence of 举案齐眉: a marriage not just of love, but of deep, abiding, and mutual respect, where partners treat each other with politeness and honor.

• 举 (jǔ): To lift, to raise, to hold up.
• 案 (àn): Originally a low table or leg-tray used for food in ancient China.
• 齐 (qí): To be level with, to be at the same height as.
• 眉 (méi): Eyebrow.

The characters literally combine to paint the picture: “to lift the tray level with the eyebrows.” This action is the core visual metaphor for the mutual respect shared between the couple in the story from which this idiom originates.

The idiom comes from the story of Liang Hong (梁鸿) and his wife Meng Guang (孟光) from the Eastern Han Dynasty (25-220 AD). Although Meng Guang was known for being plain-looking, Liang Hong married her for her exceptional virtue. They lived a simple life in the countryside. Every time Meng Guang brought Liang Hong his meal, she would raise the tray to her eyebrows to show her respect, and he would always receive it from her with great politeness. Their relationship became a legendary symbol of the ideal marriage.

• Comparison with a Western Concept: This concept can be contrasted with the Western idea of being “madly in love” or having a “passionate romance.” While Western culture often emphasizes passion, spontaneity, and casual intimacy, 举案齐眉 highlights harmony (和谐, héxié) and respect (尊敬, zūnjìng). It’s a love that is expressed through courtesy and a deep sense of honor for one's partner. It’s less about grand romantic gestures and more about the consistent, daily practice of treating one's spouse like an honored guest (see the related term 相敬如宾).
• Evolving Meaning: In ancient times, this story was used to promote Confucian virtues of a wife's deference. However, in modern China, the story is almost always interpreted as a tale of mutual respect. The focus is not on the wife's subservience, but on the beauty of two people who hold each other in such high esteem. It represents an aspirational partnership of equals.

举案齐眉 is a literary and formal idiom. You won't hear it used in casual, everyday conversation.

• Formal Settings & Writing: It is most often found in literature, formal wedding speeches, academic discussions about family values, or in written blessings for newlyweds. It's a way to bestow a high compliment on a couple.
• Praising a Couple: You might use it to describe an elderly couple you admire who have been married for a long time and still show great care and courtesy to one another.
• Connotation: It is overwhelmingly positive and carries a sense of grace, tradition, and profound respect. It is never used sarcastically.

• Example 1:
  • 祝你们新婚快乐，举案齐眉，白头偕老！
  • Pinyin: Zhù nǐmen xīnhūn kuàilè, jǔ àn qí méi, báitóu xiélǎo!
  • English: I wish you a happy marriage, may you always respect each other and grow old together!
  • Analysis: This is a classic wedding blessing, combining 举案齐眉 with another idiom, 白头偕老 (to grow old together). It sets a high ideal for the new couple.
• Example 2:
  • 我爷爷奶奶结婚六十年了，依然举案齐眉，相敬如宾。
  • Pinyin: Wǒ yéye nǎinai jiéhūn liùshí nián le, yīrán jǔ àn qí méi, xiāngjìngrúbīn.
  • English: My grandparents have been married for sixty years, and they still treat each other with the utmost respect, like honored guests.
  • Analysis: Here, it's used to describe a long-lasting, admirable marriage. The speaker is expressing deep admiration for their relationship.
• Example 3:
  • 在现代社会，能够做到举案齐眉的夫妻越来越少了。
  • Pinyin: Zài xiàndài shèhuì, nénggòu zuòdào jǔ àn qí méi de fūqī yuèláiyuè shǎo le.
  • English: In modern society, couples who can treat each other with such deep mutual respect are becoming fewer and fewer.
  • Analysis: This sentence uses the idiom to comment on a social trend, implying that this traditional ideal is perhaps fading.
• Example 4:
  • 他们俩不仅是生活上的伴侣，更是事业上的知己，真正做到了举案齐眉。
  • Pinyin: Tāmen liǎ bùjǐn shì shēnghuó shàng de bànlǚ, gèng shì shìyè shàng de zhījǐ, zhēnzhèng zuòdào le jǔ àn qí méi.
  • English: They are not only partners in life, but also soulmates in their careers, truly achieving a relationship of mutual respect.
  • Analysis: This extends the meaning beyond just domestic life, suggesting their respect permeates every aspect of their partnership.
• Example 5:
  • 真正的举案齐眉不是形式，而是发自内心的尊重和爱护。
  • Pinyin: Zhēnzhèng de jǔ àn qí méi bùshì xíngshì, érshì fāzì nèixīn de zūnzhòng hé àihù.
  • English: True mutual respect in a marriage isn't about the formality, but about respect and care that come from the heart.
  • Analysis: This sentence clarifies the modern interpretation—it's about the spirit of the idiom, not the literal action.
• Example 6:
  • 看了梁鸿和孟光的故事，我才明白举案齐眉的深刻含义。
  • Pinyin: Kàn le Liáng Hóng hé Mèng Guāng de gùshì, wǒ cái míngbai jǔ àn qí méi de shēnkè hányì.
  • English: After reading the story of Liang Hong and Meng Guang, I finally understood the profound meaning of “jǔ àn qí méi”.
  • Analysis: A straightforward sentence explaining how one learns the meaning of the idiom from its origin story.
• Example 7:
  • 他希望自己未来的婚姻也能像父母那样，和和美美，举案齐眉。
  • Pinyin: Tā xīwàng zìjǐ wèilái de hūnyīn yě néng xiàng fùmǔ nàyàng, héhé měiměi, jǔ àn qí méi.
  • English: He hopes that his future marriage can be like his parents', harmonious, happy, and full of mutual respect.
  • Analysis: This shows the idiom used as a personal aspiration for one's own relationship goals.
• Example 8:
  • 与其天天吵架，不如学学古人举案齐眉的智慧。
  • Pinyin: Yǔqí tiāntiān chǎojià, bùrú xuéxue gǔrén jǔ àn qí méi de zhìhuì.
  • English: Rather than arguing every day, it would be better to learn from the wisdom of the ancients regarding mutual respect in marriage.
  • Analysis: This sentence contrasts a negative modern reality (arguing) with the positive ideal represented by the idiom.
• Example 9:
  • 这部电视剧完美地展现了一对举案齐眉的恩爱夫妻。
  • Pinyin: Zhè bù diànshìjù wánměi de zhǎnxiàn le yí duì jǔ àn qí méi de ēn'ài fūqī.
  • English: This TV drama perfectly portrays a loving couple who treat each other with great respect.
  • Analysis: Used here as an adjective to describe the couple's relationship. It's combined with 恩爱 (loving) to give a complete picture.
• Example 10:
  • 所谓举案齐眉，重点在于“齐”字，代表着平等和互相的尊敬。
  • Pinyin: Suǒwèi jǔ àn qí méi, zhòngdiǎn zàiyú “qí” zì, dàibiǎo zhe píngděng hé hùxiāng de zūnjìng.
  • English: The so-called “jǔ àn qí méi”, the key point is the character “qí” (level), which represents equality and mutual respect.
  • Analysis: A sophisticated sentence that analyzes the idiom itself, highlighting the modern emphasis on equality within the term.

• It's Not About Submission: The biggest mistake a learner can make is to interpret this as a wife's submission to her husband. While its ancient context had patriarchal overtones, its modern usage strongly emphasizes mutuality. The story is admired because Liang Hong was worthy of such respect and returned it in kind.
• Not for Dating Couples: This idiom is exclusively for married couples (夫妻, fūqī). Using it to describe a boyfriend and girlfriend or just two people who respect each other would be incorrect and sound very strange.
• It's a Metaphor, Not a Practice: No one in modern China literally raises a tray to their eyebrows. Using the phrase implies you understand its metaphorical meaning of deep respect, not that you expect people to perform the action.
• Incorrect Usage:
  • 她对老板举案齐眉。 (Tā duì lǎobǎn jǔ àn qí méi.) - Wrong. This is incorrect because it's used for an employee-boss relationship, not a marital one. You would use a word like 尊敬 (zūnjìng) instead.

• 相敬如宾 (xiāng jìng rú bīn): A very close synonym. It means “to respect each other as if the other were a guest.” It emphasizes politeness and courtesy in a marriage.
• 琴瑟和鸣 (qín sè hé míng): “The zithers play in harmony.” A beautiful, literary metaphor for a harmonious and perfectly matched couple.
• 夫唱妇随 (fū chàng fù suí): “The husband sings and the wife follows.” A more traditional idiom that implies a hierarchical relationship. It can be viewed positively (as harmonious cooperation) or negatively (as a lack of female independence).
• 白头偕老 (bái tóu xié lǎo): “To grow old together until hair is white.” A very common blessing for a long-lasting marriage, focusing on duration and companionship.
• 比翼双飞 (bǐ yì shuāng fēi): “To fly wing to wing” (like the mythical Biyi bird, which has only one wing and must fly with its partner). Describes an inseparable and devoted couple.
• 恩爱 (ēn'ài): (Adjective/Verb) Loving, affectionate. A common, modern term used to describe the love between a couple. It's less formal and literary than 举案齐眉.
• 和睦 (hémù): (Adjective) Harmonious. Often used to describe family relationships in general (e.g., a harmonious family, 家庭和睦).
• 伉俪 (kànglì): (Noun) A very formal and literary term for a married couple. You would see this in formal writing or wedding invitations.