kèqi: 客气 - Polite, Courteous, You're Welcome

Keywords: 客气, keqi, kèqi, what does keqi mean, you're welcome in Chinese, Chinese politeness, how to use keqi, 不客气, bu keqi, being polite in China, Chinese culture, don't stand on ceremony

Summary: 客气 (kèqi) is a fundamental concept in Chinese social etiquette that goes beyond the English word “polite.” It embodies a sense of courteousness, modesty, and formality, often used by hosts to make guests feel welcome (“don't stand on ceremony”) or as a common response to “thank you” (meaning “you're welcome” or “don't mention it”). Understanding when to be 客气—and when not to be—is key to navigating social relationships in China, from business meetings to dinner with friends.

Pinyin (with tone marks): kèqi

Part of Speech: Adjective, Verb

HSK Level: HSK 3

Concise Definition: To be polite, courteous, or formal; often used as an injunction to not stand on ceremony, or as a set phrase for “you're welcome.”

In a Nutshell: Imagine you are a guest in someone's home. You would likely be well-behaved, modest, and careful not to impose. This “guest-like” behavior is the core of `客气`. It's a form of social lubricant that shows respect and maintains harmony. However, it can also be used to tell someone to drop the formality (“别客气 / bié kèqi,” literally “don't be a guest”) and relax.

客 (kè): This character means “guest,” “visitor,” or “customer.” It pictures a person (人) entering a house (宀).

气 (qì): This character means “air,” “gas,” “spirit,” or “manner/demeanor.”

Combined Meaning: Together, 客气 (kèqi) literally translates to “guest air” or “guest-like manner.” This perfectly captures the idea of behaving with the politeness, respect, and slight formality one would expect from a guest.

`客气` is a cornerstone of Chinese social interaction, deeply tied to the concepts of 面子 (miànzi) - face and maintaining social harmony. To be `客气` is to show respect and give the other person face. For example, when offered a gift, a person will often politely refuse a few times out of `客气` to show they are not greedy. The giver, in turn, will insist, also out of `客气`. This ritual, known as 推让 (tuīràng), strengthens social bonds.

Comparison to Western Culture: In many Western cultures, particularly American culture, directness and informality are often prized. A host might say “Make yourself at home,” and they generally expect the guest to do so immediately. In China, the host's phrase 别客气 (bié kèqi) serves a similar function, but it's an invitation to begin a gradual process of dropping formality. If a Chinese friend says you are being “太客气了 (tài kèqi le)“—too polite—it can be a gentle criticism that you are creating too much social distance. Among very close friends and family, being `客气` can even be seen as a sign that you consider them an outsider (见外 (jiànwài)). The goal is to find the right balance of politeness for the specific relationship and situation.

1. As “You're Welcome”: This is perhaps the most common usage for beginners. In response to `谢谢 (xièxie)`, you say `不客气 (bú kèqi)`. It literally means “not polite” but functionally means “Don't mention it” or “You're welcome.” It implies a relationship where such thanks are unnecessary.

2. As an Invitation to Relax: A host will constantly say `别客气 (bié kèqi)` or `你太客气了 (nǐ tài kèqi le)` to a guest. This means “Don't stand on ceremony,” “Make yourself at home,” or “Please, help yourself.” It's an encouragement to eat more, take something, or relax.

3. To Describe a Person's Behavior: You can use `客气` as an adjective to describe someone as polite and courteous, which is generally a compliment, especially for people you don't know well.

4. As a Negative (Creating Distance): With close friends, being too `客气` is a negative. It implies you are treating them like a stranger. A friend might complain, `我们之间还客气什么？(Wǒmen zhījiān hái kèqi shénme?)` meaning “Why are you being so formal with me?”

False Friend Alert: Don't equate `客气` one-to-one with “polite.” While it's the best translation, `客气` is an action and a behavior that can be dialed up or down. Being “too polite” (`太客气`) is a common social misstep in China, whereas in the West it's less of a defined concept.

Common Mistake 1: Being `客气` with close friends. A beginner might think it's always good to be polite and continue saying `不客气` or refusing things from a very close friend. This can unintentionally create distance and make your friend feel like you see them as a stranger.

Common Mistake 2: Not understanding the “three-refusal” rule. When offered something (a gift, a seat, food), a person is culturally expected to refuse once or twice out of `客气` to show they are not imposing or greedy. If you immediately accept, you might appear a bit rude. If the person insists, you should generally accept on the second or third offer. This is the 推让 (tuīràng) ritual.

Common Mistake 3: Confusing `不客气` and `不用谢 (búyòng xiè)`. Both mean “you're welcome.” However, `不客气 (bú kèqi)` is warmer and more common, implying “we're close, so there's no need for such formalities.” `不用谢 (búyòng xiè)` literally means “no need to thank” and is a bit more neutral or slightly more formal. Both are perfectly acceptable.

不客气 (bú kèqi) - The direct negative form, used almost exclusively as “You're welcome.”

礼貌 (lǐmào) - A close synonym meaning “polite” or “manners.” `礼貌` refers to following general social rules, while `客气` refers more to the specific, active dynamic between people, especially a host and guest.

谦虚 (qiānxū) - Modest, humble. Being `客气` often involves being `谦虚`, especially when receiving praise or compliments.

见外 (jiànwài) - To treat someone like an outsider or stranger. This is the negative social outcome of being too `客气` with a close friend or family member.

热情 (rèqíng) - Warm, enthusiastic, hospitable. A good host is both `热情` towards their guest and encourages them to `别客气`.

面子 (miànzi) - “Face”; social standing and reputation. The rituals of being `客气` are essential for giving and saving face in social interactions.

推让 (tuīràng) - The act of repeatedly and politely declining before accepting. This is the dance of `客气` in action, especially with gifts or offers.

不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi) - To feel embarrassed or shy; “excuse me”. This feeling often accompanies the act of being `客气`, for example, feeling `不好意思` to accept a gift on the first offer.