tíqīn: 提亲 - To formally propose marriage

Keywords: tíqīn, ti qin, 提亲, propose marriage in Chinese, Chinese marriage proposal, formal proposal, asking for hand in marriage, Chinese wedding traditions, what is tiqin, bride price, family proposal

Summary: In Chinese culture, 提亲 (tíqīn) is the traditional and formal act of a prospective groom's family visiting the prospective bride's family to officially propose marriage. Unlike a private, romantic proposal between the couple, tíqīn is a significant family-to-family event that signals respect, sincerity, and the beginning of formal discussions about the union, including wedding plans and the bride price (彩礼). It represents the merging of two families, not just the marriage of two individuals.

Pinyin (with tone marks): tíqīn

Part of Speech: Verb-object phrase (functions as a verb)

HSK Level: N/A

Concise Definition: To formally ask for a woman's hand in marriage on behalf of one's son.

In a Nutshell: Forget the surprise, “get-down-on-one-knee” moment. 提亲 (tíqīn) is the serious, formal meeting where the groom's parents (often with the groom) go to the bride's parents' home to officially ask for their daughter's hand and gain their blessing. It's a crucial step that shows respect for the elders and acknowledges that a marriage is a union of two families.

提 (tí): This character means “to lift,” “to carry,” or, more relevantly here, “to bring up” or “to raise (a topic).” It implies formally initiating a subject for discussion.

亲 (qīn): This character relates to “relatives,” “parents,” or “intimacy.” In this context, it refers to the matter of becoming relatives through marriage (a kinship).

Together, 提亲 (tíqīn) literally translates to “to bring up the matter of becoming relatives.” This perfectly captures the essence of the action: formally initiating the process of joining two families through marriage.

Family-Centric Union: At its core, 提亲 (tíqīn) reflects the deeply collectivist nature of Chinese society. Traditionally, a marriage was not just about two people falling in love; it was a strategic and social alliance between two families. A successful `提亲` signified that both families approved of the match and were ready to merge their resources, reputations, and futures. This act solidifies the idea that the couple has the full support and blessing of their elders, a cornerstone of filial piety (孝, xiào).

Comparison to Western Proposals: This concept contrasts sharply with the modern Western idea of a marriage proposal, which is typically a private, romantic surprise between the two partners. In the West, asking the bride's father for permission is now often seen as a respectful but optional gesture, usually done *after* the couple has already decided to marry. In the Chinese context, 提亲 (tíqīn) *is* the official, necessary proposal. It is a public (family-level) declaration of intent, not a private secret.

Related Values: The act is tied to the concept of 门当户对 (méndānghùduì), the idea that the bride and groom should come from families of similar social and economic standing. The `提亲` meeting is the first formal step where families can assess each other and begin the delicate negotiations that ensure a harmonious and balanced union.

While the ancient, highly ritualized forms of `提亲` involving a matchmaker (媒人, méirén) are rare today, the tradition's spirit remains very much alive.

Modern Process: In most cases, the couple decides to get married on their own first. The `提亲` then evolves into a formal meeting planned by the couple. The groom, accompanied by his parents, will schedule a visit to the bride's family home. They will bring expensive gifts (such as high-quality tea, liquor, fruits, and pastries) as a sign of respect and sincerity.

Formality: Despite the modernization, `提亲` remains a highly formal and significant event. It is a serious occasion that sets the tone for the relationship between the two families (now becoming 亲家, qìngjia).

求婚 (qiúhūn) - The romantic, couple-centric act of proposing, as opposed to the family-centric `提亲`.

彩礼 (cǎilǐ) - The “bride price”; a gift of money or property from the groom's family to the bride's, a central topic of discussion during `提亲`.

嫁妆 (jiàzhuāng) - The dowry; property and money that a bride brings to her marriage, often from her own family.

订婚 (dìnghūn) - Engagement; the formal agreement to marry, which is the outcome of a successful `提亲`.

亲家 (qìngjia) - A term used by the parents of a married couple to refer to each other (e.g., “my son's wife's parents”). The goal of `提亲` is to establish this relationship.

媒人 (méirén) - A matchmaker; traditionally, the third-party intermediary who would arrange and facilitate the `提亲`.

门当户对 (méndānghùduì) - An idiom meaning that the families of the bride and groom are of equal social and economic status. A key consideration for a successful traditional marriage.

相亲 (xiāngqīn) - A blind date or arranged meeting, often set up by parents or friends, which is a common precursor to a relationship that may eventually lead to `提亲`.